Update? + small rant?Well things are going ok in life I suppose. I haven't had Zoloft for over 2 weeks now, waiting for shipment from Canada, as I didn't need a perscription for the pharmacy if I got it there.
Thanks Canada.. I owe you one *salute* Though it is taking a bit, and I've been having severe withdrawals, which partly why haven't been on.
Another thing is, I'm presented to what I've always wanted and about to go up to the doorstep for negotiations... And I'm freaking out about it. What am I talking about? My top/chest removal surgery. I've got the money, I have a surgeon, and the surgeon says it's alright if I have the consent of my fiance (Jin) since I not have family and I've been living as male as much as I could.
I really want it, esp. since I'm fucking sick of people calling me "she" and going "her" and "girl" it pisses me the hell off. But like I said, I'm scared. It's a surgery, and one in which will change how I feel, look, and actually a few of my ways of like... sleeping, sitting, and all that. I'm ...grah I'm just afraid of change, esp big ones. Coming to CA was one in which I had seizures after coming here because I stressed so bad.
Though, I've wanted this right? Thanks to Brian (aka Teagueful), I got a little more faith and strength, but still feel like a cowering feline.
Another thing is my nerves are grated from being called "Ry". I know some people I said you can call me 'if you can't say my full name' but this wasn't suppose to be for everyone, and sure as not one on the internet. Forgive for the grouchiness, but if I wanted to be called "Ry" for the rest of my life, I'd be spending large amounts of money to be legally called that instead of "Ryshili". :\
Now for the good stuff?
I'm drawing alittle more, been happily gaming, and probably going to move again soon, but this time, Bear (aka awesomesauce Gumshoe) is moving in with us like we originally planned. No more backstabbing roommies thank you.
Though I alos have to apologize to people that I haven't been around, and when I talk on the phone, I sound dead. I'd love to blame the lack of Zoloft, but in truth, I've just been feeling very flip-side of how social I am.
Anywho. 'Nough of the bitching I suppose.
.....Commissions and Art trades are still open > [link]
Bitter
Devious Comments
Glad life's going good at least, and I hope to see some art from you soon <3
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♥~Axel Of the New Mexico Organization XIII
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My fiancé(e) was having second thoughts about SRS, but he's completely miserable living life as a man. It hurt me deeply that he couldn't even bear to look at himself, and even though I was hesitant at first, I am totally in favor of him getting the surgery now.
That being said, I think the fact that you feel nothing like a woman and hate being addressed as such is a pretty big indication that you're doing the right thing. It doesn't make the impending surgery any less daunting, though.
Good luck. You can do it, Ryshili! We're all pulling for you!
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I AM PREPARED TO GRAB YOUR CROTCH
I do have a friend whom I've adopted a rat from, who's a f to m post op. It took a lot of hormones, surgeries, and he was gone for months and months (I thought he died or something, he didn't mention it to anyone, but I understand why he wanted to keep it secret) before he came back. It is a huge change, and not something you can simply go back on. The surgery down there also caused a loss of feeling.... so, yeah...
Good luck to you, you already have more courage than I ever could.
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"Never a dull moment with you, is there, Mr. Wright?"--Miles Edgeworth
~Groups I belong to~
~100ThemeChallengers ~chocoboclub ~Collabs-Club *Pokedex~Fatal-Fury-Club ~ObjectionOVERRULED ~Turnabout-Club
Kinda cool to see someone else as genderqueer, and yeah, that's the right term (Jin is actually such as well I'm just wanting to be opposite of what I'm born, I'm 100% sure if I was born male, i'd be trying to be feminine)
And thanks for the cheer too. And understanding.
And yeah. I wish there was something for like... the middleground. Because I think of intersex people as well... and it's just... grah. :\
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"Ahem. I beg your pardon, you see, I rarely remember defense attorneys. They are like bugs to me. Needless things, to be crushed." - Manfred von Karma
"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." - Sam A
And I replied.
And... I didn't really think that I'm brave for considering. I've considered robbing a bank before. D; But that doesn't make me brave or a criminal (in that aspect)... oh wait it does legally doesn't it. XD
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"Ahem. I beg your pardon, you see, I rarely remember defense attorneys. They are like bugs to me. Needless things, to be crushed." - Manfred von Karma
"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." - Sam A
I actually only know one MTF personally. She's a great person too, and a bit of a wackjob, just like me. :3
But yeah, that's... actually how I feel. When I see myself in the mirror, I'm disgusted. Not like I don't like the female (or even male) body... just... I don't like what I am.
But yeah. The rooting makes me smile.
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"Ahem. I beg your pardon, you see, I rarely remember defense attorneys. They are like bugs to me. Needless things, to be crushed." - Manfred von Karma
"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." - Sam A
And actually *goes to submit another art*
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"Ahem. I beg your pardon, you see, I rarely remember defense attorneys. They are like bugs to me. Needless things, to be crushed." - Manfred von Karma
"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." - Sam A
Unfortunately I've submitted to the standard role in life and I have a son and live with my fiance. Luckily, however, he's fine with who I am (and he's sort of admitting his bisexuality little at a time, I seriously hope I didn't do that to him though! It wasn't my intentions!). I guess it's good that I can be MYSELF and because I have a family and am a (non-traditional) mom, my own parents won't be the wiser. As long as Colin knows who I am, it's all OK.
And yeah, if I was born male, I'd probably be a rather effeminate man, as opposed to being a rather butch woman now. There should be something for the middle grounds and the "unsures", or the people who just damn well don't want to fit into the roles of society.
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